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The Shrinking Elephant In The Room


First of all, lets throwback to 2010 when I starting blogging as therapy during bad health, a common theme among many old school bloggers. I focussed on beauty because I had always loved it but never really taken the time to learn about it. My original blog was a chance to do that (some of the old posts are still in my archives here if you're looking for a laugh).

As time progressed it became very clear to me that, although I started this blog with Michelle as a beauty blog, the beauty element had taken a back seat to other interests in my life. Michelle for similar reasons took a step back from writing entirely but I shifted my focus. Whether it was food, lifestyle, events or other random things that entered my head, I wrote about it and enjoyed it but I had lost my mojo when it came to pure beauty.
There were several reasons for this. I simply did not have the time or the money to invest in new products. If you include the hours I put into blogging then I was working three jobs, full time in my day job which just about pays the bills and part time as a nail technician which barely covers it's own costs but I love it and for a while it was a form of therapy and escapism to deal with a particularly unhappy time in my life. 
Unfortunately my body could not cope with constant 14/15 hour days and due to a lovely genetic predisposition my physical and mental health gradually deteriorated. 

I mostly dealt with my mental health problems just over a year ago by escaping the cause of them. I cut off my unhealthy acquaintances, I moved to a different town. I completely changed my private life and removed my triggers. It was hard but it was bliss. It was also extra travelling to work and jobs, extra money on bills and rent, and just extra everything. This is when my physical health took a dive and culminated with three emergency hospitalisations totalling nearly 3 weeks at the beginning of 2016. I have been off work sick since then, I am facing the terrifying prospect of abdominal surgery to remove my craptastic innards and I can barely get through the day without a bucket of pills. Thankfully this is improving gradually but you will have noticed me talking about IBD and constantly feeling tired. That's probably not going to change anytime soon but don't worry, I have no plans to go in to detail but you will notice a mention of impending surgeries and a massive change in diet. If you want to know then definitely feel free to ask or google.

I've gone from a comfortable size 20 (if I'm being honest with myself I was pushing a 22) to fitting into my mums size 14/16 jeans. In two months. 
I have become obsessed with my calorie intake. Not to keep it down. To keep it up! I never thought in my life that I would struggle to reach a target of 1200 calories a day. Turns out all I needed was full blown IBD to kick in. Some days I wish I could go back to the years of just pretending I was a little bit lactose intolerant. Or maybe I'd just like to shower without fainting. I guess it's fair to say this has been building up for a while and I shouldn't have been surprised but denial is a great thing and I am excellent at it. 
When I eventually go back to work I know my life will have to change again. I won't be able to keep up the three jobs as I was before, I'll have to re-prioritise. I don't yet know what that will look like. 

But what does this have to do with blogging? Why am I telling you this? Do you even really care? To be honest I don't care if you don't care (I appreciate and am grateful if you do care). This blog is my outlet. This blog is for me. I've never cared about stats or followings, I care about keeping my mind busy and sharing my thoughts. I love connecting with companies and peers but I've never tried to force that or compete with others because this is my personal space. I'm not a career blogger. I don't earn anything. I blog about what I love and at the minute I have a lot of time to do that so the content has changed. The style will always change as I grow into myself. I've gone back to my beauty roots simply because I have the time. There are less parties and more product. Because the best thing about blogging is that you can do 80% of it from your bed with the cat curled up beside you, when you're feeling crappy and you've probably been crying and want to feel better. 
Why do you think it's so popular?



Comments

  1. I firmly believe starting TAF way back when is what kept me going through illness. It gives focus outside of what you're going through and that's priceless xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! Having that outlet to create something positive and try to infuse that positivity into the rest of your life is key. I don't how I would have coped if I didn't have this outlet. I think people forget the basics of blogging sometimes that this is how so many of us started.

      Delete
  2. I firmly believe starting TAF way back when is what kept me going through illness. It gives focus outside of what you're going through and that's priceless xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Of course we care. Look after yourself as best you can, and enjpy doing what ever you please with your little slice of the web x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankyou Laura that really means a lot. Xx

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